Can EMDR Help with Grieving a Pet?

Yes, cautiously. No study has tested EMDR on pet loss specifically, but the same technique shows real promise for grief generally, and research confirms pet grief can be just as intense as grieving a person. Coping means validating the loss, then trying a gentle, go-slow bilateral-stimulation practice for the hardest moments, not a fix for grief itself.

Maybe you’ve caught yourself apologizing for how hard you’re taking it, “it was just a cat,” or you’re startled that weeks later, the sound of a food bowl still stops you cold. If people around you seem confused by how much this has knocked you down, that says more about how our culture treats pet loss than about how much you loved them. Here’s what actually helps, and what the research on EMDR and grief says about it.

Why does pet loss grief hit as hard as losing a person?

Because it often is that hard, not a smaller version of it. A January 2026 study in PLOS ONE surveyed 975 UK adults about the losses they’d experienced. Among those who’d lost a pet, 21% rated that loss as more distressing than any human death they’d been through.

About 7.5% met clinical criteria for prolonged grief disorder, a rate similar to grieving a sibling or close friend. The researchers found no meaningful difference in how the grief itself looked, whether the one lost had two legs or four.

Part of coping well starts right here: dropping the idea that this grief needs to be smaller because of who, or what, you lost. A pet is often a daily, physical presence, greeting you at the door, sleeping against you at 2am, and that constancy is part of why the loss can ache in your body, not only your thoughts.

What does the research say about EMDR for pet loss grief?

Honestly, no trial has tested EMDR for pet loss on its own yet. What exists is a small but real body of research on EMDR for grief generally.

A 2001 trial in Research on Social Work Practice compared EMDR with guided mourning therapy in 50 people with complicated mourning. EMDR improved four of five measures, including PTSD symptoms, more than guided mourning did, and positive memories of the person who died actually increased in the EMDR group. That distinction matters for pet loss too: the goal was never to feel less about your pet, only to feel less ambushed by the hardest moments.

A 2018 randomized trial in Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy tested an eight-session combined EMDR and CBT program with 85 adults grieving a homicide, one of the most traumatic forms of loss. Compared with a waitlist, the treatment group saw meaningful drops in both grief and PTSD symptoms.

Why bilateral stimulation seems to help at all comes down to working memory. Holding a painful memory in mind while your attention is also occupied elsewhere, tracking a moving target, alternating taps, appears to genuinely dull a memory’s vividness. A 2020 meta-analysis of 15 studies in the Journal of Experimental Psychopathology backs this up: eye movements meaningfully reduced how vivid and emotionally intense a distressing memory felt afterward.

EMDR’s own framework, the Adaptive Information Processing model, holds that intensely painful moments can get stored in a raw way that fires at near-full intensity whenever something brushes against it, according to EMDRIA. Think of the vet’s voice, or the quiet drive home: those are exactly the kind of moments that can get stuck like this. That’s why an ordinary reminder can undo you on an otherwise fine day, and it’s a big part of why this kind of grief doesn’t fade in a straight line.

How do you cope with a wave of pet loss grief right now?

Grief like this deserves care up front, so read through all three steps before trying anything.

1. Stabilize first. Spend a minute somewhere calm before touching anything painful. Picture a safe real or imagined place, or try simple grounding: name five things you can see, feel your feet on the floor, slow your exhale.

2. Go slow, one moment at a time. Pick a single, specific memory, not your pet’s whole life or the entire loss at once. Keep the round short.

3. Know your stop point. If distress climbs above a 7 out of 10 and doesn’t settle, stop, ground yourself, and consider a grief-informed therapist rather than pushing through alone.

With that in place, here’s the practice:

• Rate it. On a 0–10 scale, how intense is this wave right now?
• Bring the moment gently to mind. Touch it lightly, not the hardest version of it.
• Add bilateral stimulation. Move your eyes smoothly left and right for 20 to 30 seconds, alternate tapping your knees or shoulders, or use alternating audio tones.
• Pause and notice. Breathe. Notice whatever shifted, without forcing anything.
• Repeat 3 to 5 short rounds, checking in with yourself between each one.
• Re-rate. Many people notice the wave ease. If it climbs instead, stop and ground yourself again.

Counting rounds while you’re missing them is one more thing to manage alone. EmEase, a self-guided EMDR app, runs this same technique for you, with a moving on-screen target or alternating tones, in the web app. For the fuller research and a deeper practice, does EMDR help with grief? looks at the wider evidence on loss.

When does pet loss grief need more than self-guided coping?

This practice fits the everyday waves, an anniversary, a reminder, an ordinary hard afternoon, not a loss that hasn’t started moving at all. Consider working with a licensed, grief-informed therapist if:

• It’s been a year or more and the grief still disrupts most days, or it’s getting worse instead of easing.
• Your pet’s death was sudden, violent, or something you witnessed, like an accident or a medical emergency that went wrong.
• Guilt over a euthanasia decision won’t ease and keeps replaying on a loop.
• During the practice above, distress climbs past a 7 out of 10 and won’t settle back down.
• You notice dissociation, intrusive images you can’t shake, or grief tangled up with hopelessness.

Is self-guided EMDR safe? covers that line in more detail. If any of this includes thoughts of harming yourself, please use our crisis resources page or call or text 988 (US) right away. None of this means you’re grieving wrong. It means this particular loss is asking for more support than a self-guided practice can give.